and so, my love, could you
by weasley-twins-41
Summary: Amidst the rage and terror of the Battle of Demon's Run, there is a question that must be answered. River Song's question. Who is River Song? SPOILERS for S6 E7! 11th Doctor/River


**Ooh. I can't just leave this episode alone. It was FOREVER ago that I first saw it, and so a few days ago, I watched it again because I love it so much. Only then did I realize that Eleven was crying while he was talking to River at the end. I have no idea why, but that struck me. The Doctor has lost so many people- often at effect of his actions. So, I had to do this one… haha.**

Amy's muffled sobs echoed throughout the room as she retreated from the Doctor. He looked after her wistfully, trying to keep his emotional status in check.

A muddle of emotions whirled inside the Doctor- grief, rage, pain, and so many others. He'd lost too many today- at least seven Silurians, whose names he did not even know; Dorium, who he had not known was dead until he saw the hulking body amidst the sparks of the hangar; Commander Strax, the stern and stubborn Sontaran nurse; and little Melody, sweet, innocent Melody Pond, snatched so easily and terribly from the parents she would never know. He could not handle the loss of another innocent bystander.

Vastra's sudden words brought him out of his morbid thoughts. "Doctor, there's someone who wants to speak to you. Her name is Lorna. She came to warn us."

With great effort, he turned his gaze from the crying couple huddled in the corner. _'When am I going to find a companion whose life I _haven't _messed up?" _he thought bitterly. He trudged behind Vastra, who led him to the metal stairs. A body was slumped against them, barely moving with breath. He pulled out his sonic hastily, the fear gripping at his heart. The Doctor squatted in front of her. Pressing the button, he scanned her, the familiar noise greeting his ears. When the scan was complete, he inspected the results. The life recognition scan revealed that Lorna only had one bar, and it was flickering. Her time was near.

He gazed at the one flashing bar and sighed, rubbing his face in frustration. The Doctor was barely holding back the storm, the thing he was so painfully famous for. He was tired of losing everyone- watching them turn to dust before his very eyes.

The Doctor looked up, and was not surprised to see that Lorna had woken. "Hey," he said with a faint edge of cheeriness. "Hello."

A tiny smile spread across her face. She was pale and clammy and her careful braid was coming out. "Doctor," she rasped barely. He grinned at her, trying to calm her before she went.

"You helped my friends," he managed barely. His next words were nothing more than a whisper. "Thank you."

"I met you once," Lorna continued, just as weakly as before. To his alarm, tears appeared in her eyes. "In the Gamma Forests." He smiled, pretending he knew what she was talking about. "You don't remember me," she breathed with worry threaded into her voice.

"Hey, of course I remember," the Doctor said gently. He moved closer to her, taking her face into his hands tenderly. He hated to lie, but any reassurance and normalcy would be necessary right before she died. "I remember everyone." That part, at least, was true.

Lorna pressed her lips together, closing her eyes. A tear fell down her cheek, and the Doctor wiped it away, saying, "Hey, we ran. You and me. Didn't we run, Lorna?" He looked into her eyes.

Lorna managed a weak smile. Then, finally, she took a deep breath. As she exhaled, the Doctor felt the life leave her. Another innocent person had died in his arms. How many more would it take before the Universe was satisfied with his torture? He caressed her face one last time, then looked to Vastra.

"Who was she?"

Unbelievably, there was a glimmer of tears in the Silurian's eyes. "I don't know, but she was very brave," she replied stiffly.

"They're always brave," said the Doctor, trying to swallow the lump that now blocked his throat. And then, softer this time, "They're always brave." He stood.

It was true. Every single person he had ever come across had had at least a flicker of bravery. They never backed down, turning right into the fight when they were needed.

"So, what now?" Madame Vastra asked gently. "They'd almost certainly have taken her to Earth, raised her in the correct environment."

"Yes, they did," the Doctor replied, shaking his head. "And it's already too late." He looked away and walked past her. Echoes of the storm were rising, and it took everything he had to keep them just that, echoes.

"You're giving up?" Vastra asked, astonished. Her reptilian features were accented in the half light, making her seem all that more feral. "You never do that!"

"Yeah, and don't you sometimes wish I did?" An echo slipped through unbidden.

Almost at the exact same time as he spoke, the sound of electricity and thunder boomed throughout the room, accompanied by a flash of blinding white light. Vastra drew her sword hastily, always on the alert.

The Doctor, however, froze on the spot. He knew that sound. He knew that sound all too well. Her voice filled the room as he turned in horror.

"Well then, soldier, how goes the day?"

River stood there, just staring at him. Her hair was haphazard and curly, as always, and a sardonic smile stretched across her face.

His shoulders tensed and more echoes began to spill through. The Doctor no longer controlled them. They collected into one big mass of anger and rage. The tears that he had held back so successfully surprisingly sprang to his eyes. He started towards River, a dangerously furious expression on his face.

"Where the _hell_ have you been!" he demanded, his voice marred by the lump in his throat. "_Every time_ you've asked I have been there! _Where the hell were you today?_" The anger was coming in fumes now, threatening to make him explode. The tears almost spilled over, a result of the dizzying rage and grief.

"I couldn't have prevented this," she replied calmly.

"_You could have __**tried**_," the Doctor spat at her. His voice was gravelly and dangerously low. He spun around and stalked away. The mad man with the box was absolutely sure that if River had been here, no one would have died. Lorna, innocent Lorna, would not have died in his arms. Melody would not be lost. Dorium and the Silurians would still be breathing and alive. Strax would still be bossing them around. River would have kept them all alive.

"And so, my love, could you," River replied, completely unfazed by the rising storm.

The Doctor froze and turned slowly. The majority of him had accepted it, that if he had tried he could have kept them alive. Instead he had sat in the control room, kicked his heels up, and reveled in the glory. He'd done nothing. Granted, he had been fazed by the discovery of Melody's DNA scan, but that was no excuse. He should have been helping before Kovarian even contacted him. The Doctor didn't want to accept it, but he could have tried.

While he was in the middle of his thoughts, River spoke to the couple huddled in the corner. Amy and Rory held each other tightly, with tears tracks on both of their faces. "I know you're not all right, but hold tight Amy, because you're going to be."

Something suddenly dawned on the Doctor. "You think I wanted this?" he asked incredulously, pointing a finger at Amy and Rory. How could she think that it had been him? "I didn't do this!" he yelled. "This wasn't _me_!"

"This was exactly you!" River replied, her own traces of anger starting to show. "All this. All of it! You make them so _afraid_." He stared at her, more shocked and appalled than ever before. The tears now threatened to come.

"When you began all those years ago, sailing off to see the universe, did you ever think you would become this?" River asked him, the anger gone.

_Become what? What have I turned into? _The Doctor thought. He tried to look away, to get away, but River was still speaking.

"The man who can turn an army around at the _mention _of his name?" He could only stare dumbly at her and try to swallow the lump in his throat. "Doctor- the word for 'healer' and 'wise man' throughout the universe. We get that word from you, you know. But if you carry on the way you are, what might that word come to mean?"

River stared at him intensely, daring him to strike at her with his anger. The tears still lingered in his eyes, refusing to go away. The anger dominated his thoughts, clouding his perception and judgment. He thought about it reluctantly as River walked around him.

"To the people of the Gamma Forests, the word 'doctor' means mighty warrior," River declared as the Doctor sniffed. He half turned, glaring at her through the water. "How far you've come. And now they've taken a child." He turned away. "The child of your best friends." The Doctor walked away angrily, the old man in him making him stagger. The weight on his shoulders was crushing- too much. "And they're going to turn her into a weapon, just to bring you down." Something about that statement was strange, but the Doctor was too grief-ridden to figure out what it was. He turned back to her, this mysterious River Song, and as he did, the tears finally spilled over. They were silent, but still there. He wiped one away impatiently.

"And all this, my love, in fear of you," River said.

_In fear of me? Why on Earth would someone start a war against me? And who does River think she is, to lecture me and berate me?_ The Doctor thought. Then, something inside him changed. The grief, for now at least, vanished. In its place, the anger surged, the pure, unadulterated anger, draining away the tears. A grim smile etched itself onto his face, and he glared at River as he advanced on her.

"Who are you?" the Doctor asked, his voice completely stable.

She retained that sardonic smile, gazing at him triumphantly, knowing she had won. "Oh, look, your cot- haven't seen that in a very long while-" she said quickly, trying to change the subject. She backed away from him and to the cot. He followed her, catching her arm and holding it tight.

"No, no, no. Tell me. Tell me who you are," the Doctor snarled. The storm was rising rapidly now and there was absolutely nothing he could to so suppress it. He still had her hand locked in his, tight and menacing.

She stared at him, agitated. Then she seemed to relent, placing her free hand on the other, gently prying away his. "I _am _telling you," she replied. River pressed the Doctor's fingers around the knob of the cot. "Can't you read?" River breathed.

With a silent sigh he looked down into the cot. Melody's prayer leaf lay amidst the folds of the blanket. The gold stitching was the word 'Pond' in the language of the Gamman people.

As he looked, the stitching began to shimmer. The TARDIS translation matrix was booting up and finally working. The stitching flickered one last time, and stopped. Instead of the Gamman symbols, the prayer leaf said something else.

_River._

Shock rippled through the Doctor, and he looked up at River incredulously. All traces of anger were erased.

A huge smile broke out on River's face as he stared. He was absolutely, completely dumbfounded. River Song was Melody Pond. How could he have not seen it before? _The only water in the forest is the river,_ the Doctor remembered with a jolt. Idris must have known that the Gammans didn't have a word for 'pond'. The closest translation had to be River Song.

He grinned widely and stared at her in wonder. "Hello," he said to her. It seemed only fitting that he properly say hello to Melody. He knew River, but not Melody. Giddiness overtook him.

"Hello," she replied, still grinning ear to ear.

A strangled little half-giggle exploded from his throat, quickly followed by more. He realized something else. "But that means…?"

"I'm afraid it does," River said playfully, with no trace of regret.

The giggles still erupted from him, and he slapped his hands together happily. "Ooh," he said distractedly. Then, amidst everything running through him, another thing struck him. He pointed at himself and River rapidly. "But you and I- we, we, we, we-" he stammered, not able to get his point across. In desperation he made little kissy noises.

"Yes," River breathed, clearly enjoying his happiness. The Doctor giggled again, rubbing his hands together.

"Ooh," he said again, grinning and looking at a completely confused Amy and Rory. Shifting his gaze back to River, he straightened his jacket and bow tie.

"How do I look?" he asked.

"Amazing," River said with a shake of her head.

"I'd better be!"

"Yes, you'd better be!"

The Doctor grinned widely, spinning. "Vastra and Jenny, till the next time. And Rory and Amy, I know where to find your daughter, and on my _life_ she will be safe. River, get them all home," he said with a wave of his hand. He had to be off to find the little Melody.

"Doctor!" Rory said, shaking off the stupor.

"No!" Amy yelled, running after bow tied man. The Doctor sonicked the force field around his TARDIS and it disappeared. He sauntered forwards and opened the TARDIS door. "Where are you going? No!"

He stuck his head back out gleefully. Another giggle erupted from him, and he pointed at River, who smiled.

Then, with the familiar _vworp-vworp_ and sighing of his beloved box, he was gone.


End file.
